- This topic has 1 reply, 2 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 10 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Quotes
“We are turning against boys and forgetting a simple truth: that the energy, competitiveness, and corporal daring of normal, decent males is responsible for much of what is right in the world.” ~Christina Sommers (p. 83)“God made men the way they are because we desperately need them to be the way they are.” (p. 83)
“If you want your heart back, if you want the wound healed and your strength restored and to find your true name, you’re going to have to fight for it.” (p. 88)
“Femininity can arouse masculinity.” (p. 92)
“We cannot hear the real answer until we see we’ve got a false one. So long as we chase the illusion, how can we face reality.” (p. 95)
Response
Our society has been seeing a decline in masculinity, and with it the identity of men. It is intriguing to hear that statistically boys are 3-4 times more likely to be diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (ADD). But this is not the only psychological disorder that men are prone to suffer from due to the suppression of masculine traits and the disapproval of assertive actions, exploration, and adventurous behavior. Telling boys to sit still, be quiet, and play nice, forces them to deny their true nature burning within every boys heart.Eldredge claims that boys are finding it harder and harder to become men because “we don’t know how to initiate boys into men; and second, we’re not sure we really want to” (p. 83). So when men find that they are struggling to be men, they are faced with the reality that they may not have received from their father what they needed so badly to hear. But the issue is that men try to ignore the question, they try to get on with their lives, satisfied with who they think they have become, what they have done, who people seem them as. However, no matter how hard they tried to run from the question and leave it behind, their soul will continue to search for validation in all sorts of direction and avenues in life.
Eldredge’s whole point in discussing the battle every man faces is because if a man is not honest about the wound he has, he will never know how to address it. He will continue to chase the illusion that everything is fine and that he will be all right. But the deception men do not realize is that the hunger will remain (and grow) no matter what a man tries to fill it with. Only when men seek to find their sense of self will they fill the hunger and find the answer to the question that has plagued them their whole life. They must begin the journey to take back their heart.
-
An excellent question to begin with before reading this chapter is “How do you search for validation?” Continue to ask yourself this as you read through it. Continually contrast the various examples with yourself and add to your story (Journal).
I love the story about John instructing his son to fight the bully. 1) “Why did I give him such advice?” and 2) “Why are some of you delighted with it, while others are appalled?” (p. 79)
1) Because the physical realm is where a boy needs to learn and develop his masculinity. Higher mental/spiritual matters aren’t going to make sense to him. Allowing someone to walk all over you is emasculating, defeating.
2)This is the William Wallace side of us. The side that wants to stand and fight the enemy. We’re made for battle, but we’ve been taught and are expected to be passive, limp, Jesus wimps. All that teaching is Satanic doctrine meant for emasculation. We’re instructed by God in multiple locations to resist the Devil; not take it and give him the other side to strike as well.“At that moment, “Blaine’s soul was in hanging in the balance.” (p. 79) He didn’t know what to do. He needed the counsel of a superior masculine figure to instruct him what to do. This is what fathers must provide for their sons. Coach them, teach them, direct them, help them interpret the situations. Children need the active intervention of their fathers. If he doesn’t, they’ll be forced to conclusions about themselves and life over time and the lessons (most often, lies) will be seared into their young hearts for forever.
This is a component of the “passive wound” a father gives his son. He isn’t directly assaulting the boy. He is withholding imperative lessons the boy needs. Without them, his heart will erode from the world’s assaults. This is why I think it is appropriate to call them indirect father wounds. He wounds them by withholding himself, his counsel, and ultimately the masculine initiation that every boy needs.
“A man is not wounded once, but many, many times in the course of his life. Nearly every blow ends up falling in the same place: against his strength.” (p. 79)
Heading “Finishing Him Off” (p. 80) is an accurate explanation of the modern society’s attempt to control and thus emasculate the masculine heart. A good question to ask is how can one be domesticated but still be dangerous? How would you teach that?
(p. 85) This is the roll of a Father; this should be the goal of his child rearing efforts: “Are they full of passionate freedom? Do they fight well? Are their women deeply grateful for how well their men have loved them? Are their children radiant with affirmation?” This is another good question to ask about yourself.
(p. 84) Heading: “What’s really going on here, anyway?” It is fitting to note Ephesians 6:12 while reading this section…
(p. 85) “Died at a soul-level from the wounds they’ve taken….They have lost heart…Having an awful hard time getting their lives together.” Pay attention to those statements about the soul and heart through this book. Those are key phrases.
You’ll learn later on in the Four Streams recordings that these “Languishing prisons of despair, addiction, idleness, or boredom” are symptoms of wounds.
(p. 87) “I have a gift and calling to speak into the hearts of men and women. But my wound tempted me to be a loner, live far from my heart and from others.” Note that his wound pulled him away from his gift and calling. Your wound attacked your gift and your calling. Remember we each have a personal adversary. One that is unique to each individual. He knows you and where to attack you. He knows your strength and wants to cripple it. The wound is a unique temptation to pull you away from your gift, calling, and purpose. The wound is actually a sign for what you should be pursuing in your life. Find out what your wound is and you’ll be on track with what you were designed to do, what your heart desires. “He wanted to be a doctor, but he never followed his dream.” Early life dreams are valid signs as well. Notate these as well. You’ll see this come up later in the book. “The wound is too well aimed and far too consistent to be accidental.” That is because we have a personal adversary. We do live in a world at war. We just cant see the orchestrator. “The enemy fears you. You are dangerous big-time.” Just like in 1 Corinthians 2:8, where the adversary would not have crucified Christ had he known what was going to happen, he attacks us because we can do great damage to his kingdom. We are a major threat to him because we have Christ and power in us. So he badgers us with his lies to disable our threat. Amazing.
“If you ever really got your heart back, lived from it with courage, you would be a huge problem to him.” Eldredge again, hinting about something in your heart… what could it be?
(p. 87) “No one had ever shown them how…Most men have never been initiated into manhood.” This is the product of the indirect father wound. No teaching. No learning. Implicitly he says, “Go figure it out on your own.” Question time again: Have you been fully initiated into manhood? Maybe you ask, “What the heck is THAT?” Good question. 😉 Eldredge’s The Way of the Wild Heart explains in great detail what the masculine journey/initiation is, and how to proceed through it. Excellent book. I would consider it the sequel to Wild At Heart, a must read.
“They have never had anyone show them how to…fight for their heart.” Apparently there is something inside of it worth fighting for.
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.