Chapter 4 – Exclusive

[Jerry Wierwille]

Quotes
“Some looks are more than just a look because some moments are about more than just that particular moment.” (p. 78)

“There are these moments in marriage – sometimes in the middle of exotic and thrilling experiences, other times in the course of an average day – when you’re reminded all over again of the extraordinary gift you’ve been given in this person.” (p. 79)

“Shared experiences are the fuel for the energetic movement between you [and your partner].” (p. 83)

“When you strengthen this exclusive space between you, it becomes like a home. It’s familiar, it’s safe, it’s where you belong. You return to it again and again.” (p. 85)

“To protect the space between you, don’t let people in where they don’t belong.” (p. 85)

“You have to be ruthless about guarding your eyes and your heart and your mind and your imagination because what you have with that one person you have with no one else.” (p. 88)

“Sometimes you have conflict because you’re operating in the way you used to and you haven’t properly left that way in order to be open to the new way you are creating together.” (p. 93)

Response
The space that is created between you and your partner is one that begins small but increases with time and with joint-experiences. Experiences cause an increase in that space because the space signifies life experiences that only you two share. And that is why the space is exclusive. And being exclusive, it forms the glue and substance that strengthens the bond between you two. This is the way that you become “one” flesh; your lives become intertwined on a level where you begin to share life in ways beyond verbal and physical interactions. That is why some looks you give each other are more than just a look. They represent all the accumulated experiences that funnel into that one particular moment surrounding “the look” where only you two can understand exactly what is swirling inside each other’s heads without saying a word.

While the exclusiveness of this space is what makes it sacred between to people, it is also the quality that makes it interesting to each other. You are sharing a space that contains an accumulation of weird, funny, sad, exciting, unexpected, routine, and every other kind of experience. This space become the most interesting part of your life because it is an amalgamation of experiences beyond your life but is every bit a part of your life.

One thing Bell points out is how the friends of the bride or groom are notorious for planning extensive getaways or pre-wedding parties where they get wild and crazy and carefree because there is this ominous stigma associated with marriage that it will be dull, bland, and restrictive. “But marriage is about adventure,” Bell says (p. 82). And how true that is! The idea of concluding your days of being spontaneous and free are over when you say “I do” is the greatest misnomer of marriage there is. Rather, marriage is the launch of a new adventure; a time to begin the greatest exploration of your life.

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