Chapter 3 – The Question That Haunts Every Man

[Jerry Wierwille]

Quotes
“For after years of living in a cage, a lion no longer even believes it is a lion…and a man no longer believes he is a man.” (p. 41)

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” ~Henry David Thoreau (p. 41)

“Without a great battle in which a man can live and die, the fierce part of his nature goes underground and sort of simmers there in a sullen anger that seems to have no reason.” (p. 42)

“If a man does not find those thing for which his heart is made, if he is never even invited to live for them from his deep heart, he will look for them in some other way.” (p. 44)

“A man bears the image of God in his strength, not so much physically but soulfully.” (p. 45)

“Every man feels that the world is asking him to be something he doubts very much he has it in him to be.” (p. 46)

“Desire reveals design, and design reveals destiny.” (p. 48)

“Most men think they are simply here on earth to kill time – and it’s killing them.” (p. 49)

“Achievers are a socially acceptable form of violent men, overdoing it in one way or another.” (p. 56)

“[Passive] men who won’t stand up to the pastor and tell him what they really think. Pastors and Christian leaders who hide behind the fig leaf of niceness and ‘spirituality’ and never, ever confront a difficult situation.” (p. 57)

“Thus every little boy and every little girl comes into the world set up for a loss of [their] heart.” (p. 57)

Response
People in general have fallen into passive roles in our society, most of which are ignorant about how it affects them. For men, when our socially-acceptable roles deprive us of our natural instinct to prove ourselves and pass the “test,” we become numb and sterile inside. Does this mean that men should not have office jobs or work inside every day? Of course not. There is nothing wrong with jobs that require you to sit at a cubical all day. But it does mean that office jobs are forms of employment that don’t provide the right context for addressing the primal desires of our heart. Thus, we need to find another avenue outside work to fulfill those cravings. However, many people who have office jobs return to their place of residence each evening and never pursue those deep passions in their heart. They behave all tame in society by sitting in front of the TV or surfing the internet on their computer/tablet or talking on their phone or doing any number of things that just pass the time until they get up and do it all over again the next day. I mean, why are outdoor reality shows so popular among the male audience? It is because each of them wishes they could be doing what they are watching someone else do.

Regardless of whatever a man believes about himself, “if there’s one thing a man does know, he knows he is made to come through” (p. 45). But our society does not help men realize how powerful this internal drive is. Men are constantly told to just place nice, buy a house in suburbia, and eat, sleep, and work so them can live the American Dream. But our desire to prove ourselves and enter the battle reveals something about the way God has designed us and what we are meant to do in life.

If we are not willing to take the risks, rise to the challenges, and strive to conquer, our adventure will elude our grasp and we will sit at our desks wonder why we feel there is so much more out there in the world. But what does this mean for us who live in suburban or even urban areas? Are we confined to a self-defeating lifestyle. No, certainly not. I do not believe Eldredge’s point is that we should all leave civilization and become hermits and live in a forest like cave dwellers. I think Eldredge is trying to show us that something deep lives inside us and we have been stuffing it down and keeping it locked up and are putting on our little happy faces like life is all good and we have all we could ever want. We are simply being “posers”. I see Eldredge calling for men to wake up and realize what they have been hiding from and what is truly lurking deep inside themselves – it is the wild and adventure-seeking heart that God gave us.

[David Enniss]

(p. 43) About the plane and traffic light incidents: it seems that men who don’t have a context through which they are living out their hearts true design, they succumb to simple frustrations that burst out into fits of rage. You see it everyday. Why do such little annoyances or inconveniences have such a strong pull on a man? True, those stimulus are only temptations, but how could such insignificant matters cause these absurd reactions (sin)? Man was designed to fight, and if a man is not exercising that quality in a healthy, meaningful manner, it is far more likely for him to erupt in these situations. This kind of behavior also is often a result of passive aggression. Unless a man has an avenue which he can exercise his strength, it will ignite into sin. This is probably the biggest cause for violence and corruption amongst young men in our society. Especially ones in impoverished, urban communities. There is little positive development of the true masculine heart, especially within a spiritual context, which it was meant to thrive. And unless those innate desires are exercised in a healthy manner, they’ll corrupt according our fallen nature.

Oh, and you can’t simply tell that person to “stop.” They need a whole lot more instruction than that.

“If a man does not find those thing for which his heart is made, if he is never even invited to live for them from his deep heart, he will look for them in some other way.” (p. 44) “You can only believe/go as much/far as you’ve been taught.” Boys need to be shown and taught, and the majority of men still need to be as well.

“Though he is powerfully drawn to the woman, he does not know how to fight for her or even that he is to fight for her.” (p. 44) I can admit 100% that this was me. I had no idea. Now I know that you are to fight for her in every way possible, not just physically. Years ago I was dating someone I felt very confident about, but I remember knowing I had no business asking this girl to marry me. I didn’t know why exactly, I just instinctually knew something inside of me was missing. It felt like a void, and I knew I couldn’t ignore it and push it aside. I certainly didn’t understand the primal need to fight for her heart (as Eldredge explains later), not to mention a majority of the material explained in this book was missing as well. I believe that was my spirit inside, the counselor, guiding me, protecting me. It was a feeling I had that I just could not describe.

In regards to the universal masculine question “Can I come through?” I believe it is appropriate to say, “Men are made for utility.”

I have written on the bottom of page 47 in my book, “This is probably why many women seek out bad guys – for fight and adventure.” Tame, harmless, controllable Mr. Nice Guy isn’t very attractive to the feminine heart.

[David Enniss]

I am intrigued about the writings about what Eve is to Adam on page 51. I would like to study this further to see if I can find some consistency with Eldredge’s statements. But just from observation, they appear spot on. especially how Eve’s fallen nature is controlling: Her plan for self preservation. Take note of this section when you read the chapter about the Beauty to Rescue.

The section about Posers is excellent for self evaluation.

Regarding the paragraph on page 53, how do you behave? This is a good question to ask yourself to probe and find whether you pose or if you live out your true self. If not a mechanic, what other professional might you “fake it” in front of? Or what other type of people?

P. 54 – “How do you act in the boardroom, when the heat is on?” Or in any other situation when you’re under such pressure? Notate these tendencies. You’ll use them to identify things in later chapters.

[David Enniss]

“Strength Gone Bad” (p. 55) is related to the content on page 43. A man has a natural inclination to fight. If he is undirected and hasn’t been rightly taught how to carry himself, he’ll misuse it. Oftentimes it still occurs in men who have been correctly instructed how to behave. But it seems this is more likely to happen if that individual has not connected himself to a higher cause. There is an energy residing within every man to fight, and unless it is being exercised in a godly or transcendent manner, it will corrupt. It manifests into violence either physically or verbally or through achievers or workaholics. Passivity is the opposite side of the spectrum where the individual goes limp, compromises to easy. He does everything but confront.

A spiritually strong or woman cannot stand a passive, cowardly man. He is unable to bring her the adventure and battle that her heart truly needs.

Both of these conditions are forms of self preservation, stemmed upon fear. They are aspects of our old man nature and should be confronted. It is important to reflect upon yourself and your tendencies when reviewing these conditions. Notate them for later chapters about the wound and false-self.

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