An excellent question to begin with before reading this chapter is “How do you search for validation?” Continue to ask yourself this as you read through it. Continually contrast the various examples with yourself and add to your story (Journal).
I love the story about John instructing his son to fight the bully. 1) “Why did I give him such advice?” and 2) “Why are some of you delighted with it, while others are appalled?” (p. 79)
1) Because the physical realm is where a boy needs to learn and develop his masculinity. Higher mental/spiritual matters aren’t going to make sense to him. Allowing someone to walk all over you is emasculating, defeating.
2)This is the William Wallace side of us. The side that wants to stand and fight the enemy. We’re made for battle, but we’ve been taught and are expected to be passive, limp, Jesus wimps. All that teaching is Satanic doctrine meant for emasculation. We’re instructed by God in multiple locations to resist the Devil; not take it and give him the other side to strike as well.
“At that moment, “Blaine’s soul was in hanging in the balance.” (p. 79) He didn’t know what to do. He needed the counsel of a superior masculine figure to instruct him what to do. This is what fathers must provide for their sons. Coach them, teach them, direct them, help them interpret the situations. Children need the active intervention of their fathers. If he doesn’t, they’ll be forced to conclusions about themselves and life over time and the lessons (most often, lies) will be seared into their young hearts for forever.
This is a component of the “passive wound” a father gives his son. He isn’t directly assaulting the boy. He is withholding imperative lessons the boy needs. Without them, his heart will erode from the world’s assaults. This is why I think it is appropriate to call them indirect father wounds. He wounds them by withholding himself, his counsel, and ultimately the masculine initiation that every boy needs.
“A man is not wounded once, but many, many times in the course of his life. Nearly every blow ends up falling in the same place: against his strength.” (p. 79)
Heading “Finishing Him Off” (p. 80) is an accurate explanation of the modern society’s attempt to control and thus emasculate the masculine heart. A good question to ask is how can one be domesticated but still be dangerous? How would you teach that?
(p. 85) This is the roll of a Father; this should be the goal of his child rearing efforts: “Are they full of passionate freedom? Do they fight well? Are their women deeply grateful for how well their men have loved them? Are their children radiant with affirmation?” This is another good question to ask about yourself.
(p. 84) Heading: “What’s really going on here, anyway?” It is fitting to note Ephesians 6:12 while reading this section…
(p. 85) “Died at a soul-level from the wounds they’ve taken….They have lost heart…Having an awful hard time getting their lives together.” Pay attention to those statements about the soul and heart through this book. Those are key phrases.
You’ll learn later on in the Four Streams recordings that these “Languishing prisons of despair, addiction, idleness, or boredom” are symptoms of wounds.
(p. 87) “I have a gift and calling to speak into the hearts of men and women. But my wound tempted me to be a loner, live far from my heart and from others.” Note that his wound pulled him away from his gift and calling. Your wound attacked your gift and your calling. Remember we each have a personal adversary. One that is unique to each individual. He knows you and where to attack you. He knows your strength and wants to cripple it. The wound is a unique temptation to pull you away from your gift, calling, and purpose. The wound is actually a sign for what you should be pursuing in your life. Find out what your wound is and you’ll be on track with what you were designed to do, what your heart desires. “He wanted to be a doctor, but he never followed his dream.” Early life dreams are valid signs as well. Notate these as well. You’ll see this come up later in the book. “The wound is too well aimed and far too consistent to be accidental.” That is because we have a personal adversary. We do live in a world at war. We just cant see the orchestrator. “The enemy fears you. You are dangerous big-time.” Just like in 1 Corinthians 2:8, where the adversary would not have crucified Christ had he known what was going to happen, he attacks us because we can do great damage to his kingdom. We are a major threat to him because we have Christ and power in us. So he badgers us with his lies to disable our threat. Amazing.
“If you ever really got your heart back, lived from it with courage, you would be a huge problem to him.” Eldredge again, hinting about something in your heart… what could it be?
(p. 87) “No one had ever shown them how…Most men have never been initiated into manhood.” This is the product of the indirect father wound. No teaching. No learning. Implicitly he says, “Go figure it out on your own.” Question time again: Have you been fully initiated into manhood? Maybe you ask, “What the heck is THAT?” Good question. 😉 Eldredge’s The Way of the Wild Heart explains in great detail what the masculine journey/initiation is, and how to proceed through it. Excellent book. I would consider it the sequel to Wild At Heart, a must read.
“They have never had anyone show them how to…fight for their heart.” Apparently there is something inside of it worth fighting for.
