What Eldredge describes in the section “The Father-Wound” where an individual is in one manner or another, unaccepted by his father. Eldredge distinguishes the wounds into two categories: Assault and passive. I think a better set of terms would be direct and indirect. Direct wounds include verbal and/or physical abuse, and they directly and intentionally injure the heart of a person. Indirect wounds are usually unintentional. They usually happen when a father is uninvolved, absent or silent; not there.
Over the years, both direct and indirect wounds deliver crippling messages to the youths’ heart.
I should note that in the newer edition of this book, Eldredge adds a sentence after “So there is no crossing through this country without taking a wound.” “They may come from other sources: a brother, uncle, coach, or stranger, but come they do.” “And every wound whether it’s assaultive or passive, delivers with it a message.” These messages are ultimately lies about life and ourselves that the Adversary wants us to believe. From these messages, we begin to form our beliefs (assumptions) about life and our self. This is where our internal faculty for self-preservation reacts to these and begins to seek equilibrium to these new “life assumptions.” The product of this process is what Eldredge describes as our False-self. There are many avenues from which this false-self can be developed, but note that they are always based out of fear. We may understand this as the “old man nature;” it is unique to each individual.
This is an excellent chapter to reread, study, and begin asking questions about yourself. Use each example that he explains to compare to your own character and behavior. Now’s the time to begin journaling these connections. Also, you will want to start thinking about your story. What were these defining experiences that you encountered through your life (most of which occur in childhood)? With these experiences, what were the wounds? What were the messages? What did you learn from them? What sort of vows did you make to yourself? Such as, “Never again, will I….” From here, and in later chapters, you’ll be able to recognize what your own false-selves are. This is where the hard part begins; the real work; the real wrestling match.